


My Apartment is Empty and My Heart Even More

by Gretccheen



Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Angst, Blow Jobs, Body Worship, Cole is a YouTuber, Cole's father is not a good man, Hand Jobs, I am sorry for my inability to write smut properly, Improper use of ASMR, Ish. Angst ish., Lloyd does modeling or something, M/M, Masturbation, Multi, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Lloyd Garmadon, Slow Build, Slow Romance, Zane is a Med Student
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-27
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2019-01-25 02:50:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12521292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gretccheen/pseuds/Gretccheen
Summary: Cole, an aspiring YouTuber, places a Craigslist ad in search of roommates to help pay the bills. He quickly opens his apartment to two star-crossed lovers, and quickly finds himself just as enchanted with them as they are with each other. (CROSS-POSTED ON FANFICTION.NET)





	1. New Bills, Some Family Angst, and a Craigslist Ad

"You're kidding, right?" There's a sigh on the other end of the phone, and he can just picture the woman pinching the bridge of her nose in frustration.

"Look, kid, I like you. Honest. But things are getting tough, and I've got a building to maintain. If you can't afford it, just move back in with your parents or something." He takes a deep breath to hold back any of the expletives he'd like to unleash on her, and she must take that as a sign to continue. "Or, I don't know, get a roommate. There's probably a bunch of strappy young college kids who'll take up the offer. Who knows, maybe you'll finally get a girlfriend." He growls into his phone, and his landlady laughs. "Easy, tiger. You've got enough room for two, don't you? Make a couple of 'em share a room or something. That'll make the rent easy. I'll even give you an extra week to get the newest payment to me, no charge."

"Got it," he sighs, and she hums.

"Just make sure you're still eating," she says softly, "if I see you lose any more weight, I'm going to make you dinner myself. And I'm an even worse cook than you."

"Thanks," he laughs, and he's sure she's smiling on the other end of the line.

"That's it, kid. Come by if you need anything." She hangs up and he flops back on his bed, glaring at the ceiling.

"A YouTube career isn't going to bring in enough money. You'll never make it. That's what he said. Maybe he's right. But I can't give up, not yet. I've managed so far. Yeah, you've done pretty alright for yourself, Cole! Okay, time to get on Craigslist and find some roommates." Filled with a new determination, Cole rose and made his way to his laptop. Spinning around in his chair as he waited for it to boot up, he wondered what kind of people would answer his ad. "I can't live with a girl. No way. Strappy college kid, huh. I mean, that's one way to go. Guess I won't know until they answer?" He opens the browser on his laptop and heads to Craigslist, humming to himself. "I don't know why I'm so excited about this. Some stranger living in my house. Or strangers, I guess. Whatever it takes to get the bills paid. Alright, time to get this ad done. Let's see...well, they'd have to pay their own phone bill, but I guess we can split the internet. Oh, I've get Netflix! That's the most important part, right?" He laughs to himself, shaking his head. "God, this is probably the dorkiest thing you've ever done, Cole. And you covered Justin Bieber. Okay, so, I've got one open room. Am I willing to take a couple? I guess so. Rent is $600 a month, and I'd want to split it. I guess that's everything, then. Just gotta put my phone number in and wait." Taking a deep breath, Cole hits post before exiting out of the screen. "Better eat dinner, then. God knows when I'll eat next." He laughs weakly at that, and rises from his chair with a sigh.

\---------

"Is everything okay?" Lloyd looks up from his phone to see his partner's hands shaking as he hangs up the phone. "Zane, what's wrong?"

"He knows." Zane whispers softly, and Lloyd's eyes widen in understanding.

"Shit, Zane. God, it's my fault. I should've been more careful." Lloyd gets off the couch and moves to the other, holding out his arms. "C'mere. It'll be okay. We'll make things work."

"It is not your fault." Zane begins, letting the smaller man hold him. "I, too, was careless."

"I bet it was Casey. She's always been a snitch." He mutters into Zane's shoulder, clinging tightly to the other. "He was an asshole, anyway. Honestly, I'm surprised it took him this long to figure it out." Zane chuckles weakly, raising a hand to run through Lloyd's hair. "I mean, we've had a ton of people over. And I'm not exactly quiet." Zane actually laughs at this, and Lloyd squirms a bit so he can look up at the other man. "A change of pace will be nice. Who knows? Maybe we'll find a partner who works for us."

"Lloyd," Zane begins slowly, and Lloyd hums encouragingly.

"You can tell me, Zane. I'm not gonna be mad. I like it when you're open with me."

"I do not wish to find another partner, at least for the time being. For now, I desire to be content with you." Lloyd blinks back tears, staring wide-eyed at his partner. "Did I say something that upset you?"

"Of course not, silly," Lloyd replies, reaching up to pinch Zane's cheeks. "I'm just so happy I've got a partner as amazing as you, is all."

"And I, too, am glad to have someone like you." Lloyd grins, pressing a sloppy kiss to Zane's throat.

"Can we do Chinese for dinner?" Zane smiles, ruffling Lloyd's hair.

"As you wish." Laughing, Lloyd presses more kisses against his boyfriend's neck.Ã‚ 

\--------

Cole stared at his phone, tempted to let it keep ringing. He knew, though, that if he did, the caller would call and call until he finally picked up. With a defeated sigh he answered, placing the phone against his ear. "What do you want?"

There was huff on the other end of the line. "Is that any way to speak to your father?"

"Fine," Cole growls, putting as much venom into his words as possible. "What do you want, _sir_?"

"Better," his father replies, and Cole is ready to punch something. "Now, I see you still haven't come to your senses and decided to follow a more sensible career."

"I'm doing just fine on my own."

"So you say. How much do you weigh, Cole?" Flushed, Cole tugs self consciously at the hem of his sweater.

"That's none of your damn business." He can almost imagine his father's grip tightening on his phone, and he's more than satisfied by the agitation in his father's voice when he replies.

"Watch your language, Cole. I did not raise you to be like this."

"You didn't raise me at all!" He snaps, rising from where he had curled up on the sofa. "I can name the exact dates you actually gave a damn enough to watch me yourself." His father splutters on the other end, and he continues. "You just wanted me to be like you, and when I didn't turn out how you wanted you put me in someone else's hands. Well I'm tired of it!"

"Cole," his father sighs heavily, "it seems this conversation is not going the way I had planned."

"Yeah?" he asks, incredulous. "Big surprise."

"I will call you again at a later date. Hopefully your manners will be much more acceptable." His father hangs up before he can snap back, and he throws his phone on the couch with a growl.

"That bastard! He acts like he stills runs my life. I don't need him, I've never needed him." He sinks back into the couch with a sob, bringing his knees to his chest. "Why's he trying to act like my dad now, anyway?" Cole is pretty sure he knows the answer, and that is enough to make him curl into himself tighter.

\---------

Lloyd sighs heavily, scrolling through his phone. His boyfriend looks over at him, amused. "This is so boring," Lloyd whines, and Zane shakes his head chuckling to himself. "Zane," Lloyd makes a point of drawing out his name as long as possible, "do something." Zane sighs, rising from his seat to console his boyfriend. Lloyd sits up instantly, making enough room that Zane can sit before laying back down, feet propped up against the arm of the sofa and head resting in Zane's lap. "All these ads are for singles." Zane hums, running his fingers through Lloyd's hair. "I've been thinking, you know, while I've been looking. Do you think...me being...well, me...will ruin things?"

"No," Zane replies after a moment, "because if they do not accept you, I will fight them." Lloyd laughs at that, and Zane continues. "If they aren't accepting of all people, then clearly it is not a place for us to be."

"You're really the best boyfriend ever, you know that?" Lloyd wiggles his toes as he hums, handing his boyfriend his phone. "Do you wanna look at some?" Zane takes the phone from him wordlessly, still carding his fingers through Lloyd's hair. The other boy sighs in content, closing his eyes. "If I wore a dress when we first meet them, would you be upset?"

"I would not be able to focus on our new roommate, if that is what you mean by upset." Zane replies nonchalantly.

"What if I wore one of those virgin killer sweaters?" Zane's hands still, and Lloyd looks up at him in confusion.

"I would be upset, because I wish to be the only one to see you in that." The younger laughs, stretching a bit to try and place a kiss on his boyfriend's jaw. He fails, but it gets a chuckle out of his boyfriend, and, to him, that's better than anything.

\-----------

"Yeah, can I get an order of dumplings? Hm, yeah that's fine. You guys deliver, right? That's great, alright. Yep, Apartment 13. The elevator works this time, I promise. Thanks, Nya. Tell Kai I said hi." Cole hangs up with a sigh, rubbing at his face. He knew he probably shouldn't be eating out, especially with his new rent crisis, but talking to his dad had stressed him out. Especially the comment about his weight. He was glad he had enough control to not just go and eat everything in his cupboards, because he would feel awful and throw it up later. Unlocking his phone, he scrolled through his music until he found the 'Weird Medieval Shit' playlist. Turning the volume all the way up, he set it on the sofa's armrest and rose, cracking his back as he did so. "Medusa" by Heather Dale was the first song to play, and he saunters through his apartment to make his way to his bedroom. It takes him a couple minutes to get to his closet (he really should move his film space) and he dramatically flings it open, laughing to himself as he does so. "You sure are laughing a lot for a nervous mess," he mumbles softly, reaching for a small basket on the top shelf. "What is that they say? Laughter is the best medicine? Well, I'd rather be laughing than crying, that's for sure." Shutting the door, he sets the basket on his bed. Pointedly ignoring the mirror as he removes his shirt, Cole lets out a sigh. "Maybe after all this is settled I'll start going to the gym. I wouldn't mind getting some muscle back." He blindly tries to grab the shirt sitting in the basket, and chuckles when he grabs a pair of sweatpants.

By the time he's dressed his playlist was about halfway through (granted, there were only eight songs) and he nearly trips over himself as he makes his way back to the couch. Grabbing his phone as he sat on the couch, he turned the volume down until he could just barely hear it. His phone vibrated, and he grinned when he saw who had messaged him.

_From: Buffalo Wild Wings_

_COLE I STG I CAN HEAR YOUR SHITTY MEDIEVAL MUSIC FROM HERE! TURN IT OFF OR I'LL EAT YOUR DUMPLINGS_

He laughed, half tempted to go and grab his speakers just so he could annoy the other, but there was a knock at his door before he could even entertain the idea. Rising, he sets his phone on the arm of the couch before moving to the door. "Who is it?" He calls, and he laughs when the person on the other side of the door swears.

"C'mon Cole, my hands are full."

"What do you mean, your hands are full?"

"Open up and I'll show you." Sighing, Cole opens the door. "You're the best, Cole!"

"Kai, I didn't order this."

"I know you didn't-I did." They stare at each other for a few moments before Cole sags in defeat. Kai steps into the living room wearing a shit-eating grin, and Cole follows him to the couch with a sigh. "You aren't paying for this, either. Just so you know." Cole tries to protest, but Kai forces him to sit on the couch and begins rummaging through the bags. "No alcohol-I figured you weren't in a drinking mood."

"I placed a craigslist ad," Cole begins softly, and Kai turns to him with a container of fried rice and a sympathetic expression. "My rents gone up so much that I can't handle it myself."

"There's nothing wrong with asking for help," Kai states bluntly as he settles beside Cole. "And if you're worried about your dad, the old man can fuck off." Cole laughs bitterly, taking the rice from Kai.

"He called today."

"Want me to go get you a drink?"

"Aren't you on the clock?" Cole retorts playfully, and Kai began to laugh.

\------- 

Zane idly ran his fingers through Lloyd's hair, the younger man having fallen asleep about half-an-hour ago. His eyes feel heavy, and he's tempted to go asleep as well, but he's determined to try and find an ad that works for them. Just as his eyes were threatening to shut there was a knock at the door. Lloyd stirred, rolling off his lap sleepily before making his way to the door. Zane chuckled, reveling in how cute his boyfriend looked as he rubbed at his eyes. Lloyd opens the door with a yawn, taking a few seconds before greeting the person at the door. "Hi."

"I've got an order for Zane Julien?"

"That's us. Come pay." Lloyd calls back, making the person at the door chuckle. Zane rises, ignoring how his bones creaked and the tingling in his toes. His partner wraps his arms around Zane's neck, and the man at the door smiles at them. "He is always clingy when he first wakes up," he begins, and he wonders why he's so desperate to explain that to him.

"Dude, it's fine if you're together. I don't mind." Zane feels a sigh of relief breath through him, and Lloyd decides that is the most opportune moment to place a wet kiss to Zane's neck. He's sure his face is scarlet by the time the man at the door stops laughing, and his partner looks extremely smug. "You chose the wrong part of town to live in, though." Lloyd chuckles weakly, and Zane puts a protective arm around his partner.

"Well, we won't be here much longer." At the man's curious gaze Lloyd adds, "The manager found out about us. He called this morning." The man whistles lowly, and Lloyd shrugs.

"Have you found a place yet?" The man asks, and Lloyd shakes his head.

"Well, today's your lucky day." Zane and Lloyd exchange looks before stepping back to allow the man to enter his apartment.

\-------------------------------

He woke with a start, ignoring the pain in his neck in favor of reaching blindly for his phone. He swore at how bright his screen was, blinking to try and make out the number to see who was calling him. After realizing even if he could see all the numbers he still didn't know the caller, with a steadying breath he adjusted his position on the couch and answered. "Hello?"

"Hello," a man began, but was quickly cut off by a gleeful shout and a voice that sounded all to familiar.

"Kai?" Cole asks, and there's a muffled conversation and some static as the phone is passed to someone else.

â€œHey," Cole nearly swears at Kai's leisurely response.

"Why are you calling me?" There's a tinge of anger in his voice that Kai quickly picks up on, if his soothing tone is anything to go by.

"Relax, Cole. Deep breaths. They're applying to be your roommates."

"My...new roommates?" Cole had become extremely quite, and Kai hums softly.

"Yeah. Do you want to talk to 'em, or should I relay information."

"Did you invite yourself into their apartment?" Cole asks in response, and Kai laughs so loud Cole has to pull the phone away to preserve his hearing. After a few moments he dares to put the phone against his ear again and after a soft "Hello" he is greeted by the same voice who had started the call, "I do apologize. My reasons for calling were..."

"It's fine," Cole cut him off gently. "I don't mind. I'm glad you called. Sorry about Kai; he's a bit hot-headed, but he really cares."

"Thank you. My name is Zane Julian, and it is a pleasure to meet your acquaintance."

"Cole Matthews. So...the roommate application?" Cole feels his face heat up. If he didn't sound like a dumbass before he certainly did now.

"Yes, I have only one question. On your application you stated that you would take couples." The words are a statement, but Zane's voice raises politely at the end as if he was asking a question.

"I guess, yeah. If it's all the same to you, I'd rather not live with a girl."

"And if my partner is non-binary?" Zane asks, and all the noise on his end stops.

"Pronouns?" Cole asks, and Zane releases a breath that Cole finds he was holding, too.

"Masculine, but he will often wear feminine clothing. Does that bother you?"

"No," Cole murmurs before repeating with a bit more strength. "No, it doesn't bother me."

"When can we move in?" Zane jokes, and Cole laughs so hard the other man begins to express his concern.

"Sorry," Cole wheezes, roughly rubbing at his eyes. "I just...I'm really happy. Why don't we get lunch tomorrow? Get to know each other a bit before you take the plunge of moving in with me."

"It's a date," Zane says, and Cole can feel his face heat up as he tries to think of a clever response.

"See you tomorrow," he chokes out, before hastily adding, "I'll text you the details!" Zane hums, muttering something he doesn't quite catch before ending the call. Sighing, Cole sets his phone on the table and tries to calculate how many days he can go without eating to afford lunch tomorrow.

Kai had finally convinced Lloyd to let him leave, exchanging numbers and cheeky grins that make Zane want to roll his eyes at the sight. Before he left he stated with a waggle of his eyebrows, "Cole has YouTube channel. It's called the WeekendWhip. No spaces. Look him up." Kai leaves with a flourish, and Lloyd waves energetically at him until the door is shut and locked. "I'm going to bed," Lloyd announces suddenly, "Join me whenever you're ready." The blonde stands on the tips of his toes to press a kiss to Zane's cheek before he scampers off, leaving Zane to process all the information while smiling at his boyfriend's actions. With a sigh he heads to the couch, not quite ready to join his partner, and opens his phone to search up the channel name Kai had given him. He scans through the videos before picking one at random, making sure the volume of his phone wouldn't wake his partner should he be asleep in the other room. Zane finds himself intrigued by the young man who becomes clear on the screen, smiling at his gentle introduction.

"Hey, how's it going guys? In today's video I'm going to be telling you guys some stories. A few embarrassing ones, some serious ones. There might be some triggering material in a few of the serious ones, so I'll make sure to put any trigger warnings up before the story starts and where you can skip to the next story in case the previous one bothered you. And without further ado, let's begin!"


	2. Let's Spend Three Hundred Years Getting Ready For This Not-Date, Shall We

When he finally crawled into bed beside Lloyd it was almost three in the morning. His partner had rolled until he was practically on top of him, giggling softly as he whispered, "Why were you late, huh?" Zane's face flushes, already knowing what the younger man was trying to hint at.

"I was merely taking Kai's advice," he defends weakly, and Lloyd rolls off him with a hum.

"Was he good?" Zane reaches out and grasps Lloyd's hand, thinking

."He was very good. Well spoken. I learnt very much about him."

"Yeah?" Lloyd's voice is heavy, and Zane smiles fondly. "Like what?"

"He and Kai have been friends since, according to him, the beginning of time. They got into quite a few compromising situations." Lloyd giggles, pressing his face into their hands and mumbling something incoherent. "The videos I watched were mostly him telling stories of his life, although I did see some for something called ASMR."

"That's...heard of it..." Lloyd barely manages to get the words out, "Makes you feel all tingly. Very nice."

"Go to sleep," Zane whispers softly. "I'll tell you more in the morning."

"Bully," Lloyd utters around a yawn, and Zane chuckles softly. As Lloyd drifts back to sleep Zane lays awake, staring at his partner. He is not a praying man-hasn't been since he was small-but he prays now, lips forming words he believes with all his heart.

Zane prays feverishly that this is the thing they have both been waiting for.

\----------------

Cole wanders around his apartment, restless. He had cleaned everything he could without having to rearrange the furniture, twice, and he was desperate to find something that would keep the thoughts out of his head. As he's making his third trip around the apartment he hears something scratching, and sighs in relief. Running his hands through his hair he goes to the front door, opening just enough that the source of the scratching can slip through. "Nice to see you too, Google."

Google-a lanky, Siamese cat-curls around his ankles and purrs loudly. "Pixel know you're here?" The cat meows, and Cole reaches down to pick her up. "Either way, thanks for coming to visit." Google lets him cradle her in his arms, rubbing her face against his and pawing at his shoulders. The cat chirps at him as he makes his way to couch, and when he sits she settles in his lap, turning to face him. "Yeah? What is it Google?" The cat meowed and raised one of her slim paws to gently tap his nose.

Cole laughed so hard Google jumped off his lap, moving to stare at him from the safety of the armrest. "Pixel's boyfriend has you trained well, huh? I keep telling him he should quit his job as a mechanic and become a cat whisperer." Google flicks her tail at him and he laughs again. "I know, I know. I'm sorry. Forgive me?" There's a pause, and its so quite Cole can hear the bed creaking in the apartment above him. Google gracefully leaves the armrest and comes back to his lap, purposefully flicking his chin with her tail.

For a while the two sit, Cole letting Google rub against hands and barely protesting when the cat decides to knead her claws into his thigh. It relaxes him more than cleaning the house had, and for once he doesn't care about what time it is and how he should be sleeping, or editing, or any number of things really. For a blissful moment all his head is full of is the cat in his lap and the way she chirps when he presses her paws or how deep her purrs sound when he rubs behind her ears.

Eventually Google rises, kneading her paws into his thigh one last time before hopping off the couch and sauntering to the door. Cole laughs quietly, shaking his head as he follows. She waits patiently as he scoops her up again and heads to the hallway. The lights flicker, and he hums as he walks to the apartment where Google really should be. Knocking on the door softly, he waits a few minutes before the door slowly opens. "Hey Pixel."

The woman standing at the door smiles at him fondly, and he can't help but smile back. "I hope Google did not bother you."

"Nah, she's welcome any time." The cat gives a loud chirp before Cole passes her to Pixel. "Did you get new tattoo?"

"No, no. I just got the old one's touched up." She shrugs a bit, cooing at the cat in her arms which were wrapped in bandages. Cole had learnt she did that to prevent her boyfriend from scratching them when they were together. She was quite proud of her tattoos, and Cole couldn't say he blamed her. Both arms had been done to look like circuit boards, and she had talked about doing something similar on her legs and back, all in the same purple ink. "Were you working?" He asks, and she nods.

"Yes. Crypt is out with the boys at his work, so I had the evening to myself.â€�

"Quite a luxury," he sighs dramatically and she laughs, leaning against the doorframe

."Come over for dinner on Saturday," she states suddenly. "As thanks for entertaining the cat."

"Are you sure? Will Crypt mind?" Pixel shrugs before placing a kiss on his cheek, having to stand on the tips of her toes to reach him.

"Get some sleep, Cole. I'll call next time I let the cat out." He smiles as she turns back into her apartment.

"If you want. You can call for other reasons, too." That makes her laugh, and Cole feels his chest swell with pride. It's not often he can get her to laugh.

"Goodnight, Cole."

"G'Night, Pixel."

\-------

Lloyd sits up with a sigh, blearily rubbing his eyes. _It's too early_ , he decides firmly. His partner stirs beside him but does not wake, and Lloyd presses a gentle to kiss to his temple before sliding out of bed. The clock on the dresser reads 9:45 A.M. in bright red letters, and he double checks it to make sure Zane's alarm had been set. After fumbling a bit Lloyd set Zane's alarm and went to grab both of their phones from the nightstand. Lloyd usually answered messages and emails for the both of them in the morning, especially on nights when Zane had classes. A quick glance at his own phone shows that he has no messages, and he sets it back on the nightstand with a grin. Zane's, however has several, and Lloyd sits on the edge of the bed to try and answer them. The first two are from people he doesn't know, but he assumes they are in one of Zane's classes if the desperate pleading to borrow his notes is anything to go by. Lloyd imitates his boyfriend's typing style perfectly as he turns the both of them down gently (even though he wants to tell them both to fuck off and stop mooching off his boyfriend). The third message catches his attention, and he opens it eagerly.

_From: Unknown Number_

_Hey, it's Cole. I figured we could meet around 12-1 today, if that's OK with you? You can pick where we meet, too._

Lloyd grins, because God, Cole sounds so awkward. It's extremely endearing, and he has to bit his lip to keep from laughing as he types a reply.

_To: Unknown Number_

_heya Cole! It's Lloyd! Zane's sleeping rn but 12 is good! there's this little cafe downtown, if you wanna go?_

He hits send and makes sure to save Cole as a contact in Zane's phone and send the number to himself. Part of him wonders if he should be embarrassed because of the drastic change between their two typing styles, but after mulling it over he decides he really doesn't care. He sets Zane's phone by his own on the nightstand without waiting for a response and opens the dresser, scanning through everything before grabbing one of his favorite dresses for himself and a white button-up and jeans for Zane. Lloyd sets Zane's clothes on the bed before going to take a shower, taking a moment to stretch as the water heats up. His mind begins to wander as he steps into the shower, and he wonders what kind of person Cole is. From what he had heard yesterday he seemed kind, if not a bit awkward, and it made his heart flutter in his chest. He had also heard Zane talking about pronouns, and the fact that Cole was willing to accept him made him want to sing. Zane seemed to like him, and if Zane liked him then Lloyd would, too.

As soon as he stepped out of the shower Zane's alarm went off, making him laugh. He reached for a towel, listening carefully for any indication he would need to return to the bedroom. A knock at the door startled him and he quickly called, "Zane?"

"May I come in?"

"Yeah." Lloyd calls back, feeling heat crawl across his skin. The door opens and Zane smiles at him; Lloyd finds it hard to be embarrassed when Zane smiles at him like that. "Hi."

"You will look good in that," Zane's eyes flicker to the dress laid across the sink.

"Zane," Lloyd whines, holding out his arms to the blonde, "I just got out of the shower."

"Do you not want me to?" Zane asks genuinely, and Lloyd feels heat pool in his stomach.

"Let's be quick, yeah?" Lloyd grins shyly at Zane who nods, and any coherent thought quickly leaves Lloyd's mind when the older boy presses their lips together.

\--------

Even after the friendly chat with his neighbor and the hour he had spent with Google Cole had still felt restless, but he had managed to fall asleep for a few hours. When he woke up his knees were pulled up painfully close to his chest and his neck was incredibly stiff, but he smiled and took a few minutes to rub the tenseness out of his limbs. As soon as he had finished his phone vibrated and he grabbed it eagerly. Reading through the message he couldn't help but grin, quickly saving Zane's number and typing a response.

To: Zane

Twelve works! If you could send me an address I'll meet you there.

Cole sends the message without thinking to much about it, arching his back into one final stretch before maneuvering himself off the couch. He's impressed by how late he slept; even after Google's visit, on nights like that he tended to sleep very little. So he gladly accepted the four hours he had gotten even if it meant that his joints creaked and his muscles ached throughout the day. He's tempted to sit and stretches for a few more minutes-he remembers all the routines from previous dance camps and videos that he watched ages ago-but a hot shower sounds amazing and if he stretches for any longer he'll be stuck on the carpet all day trying to get each stretch perfect. So, to ease the ache he raises his arms over his head and arches his back until the stretch is almost painful. He makes sure to be extra careful easing out of it, grabbing his phone once he finishes. He must have really zoned out because there's another message from Zane, as well as one from an unknown number sent about a minute after his own message. Opening the one from Zane first, Cole can't help but grin a little.

From: Zane

Hey i'mma send you a message from phone in a sec so if you get a message from an unknown number it's from me :D ~Lloyd

To: Zane

Alright. Thanks Lloyd. :D

He grins dumbly at his phone, walking to the bathroom to jump into the shower. He responds to the text from the unknown number-which is nothing more than Lloyd's name and a bunch of emojis that don't make sense to Cole but cause him to laugh anyway-in a similar way, and he scrolls through his music until he finds a playlist that fits his happy mood. The beginning notes of "Folding Chair" by Regina Spektor fill the bathroom, and Cole lets any remaining tension leave him as he turns the water on as hot as it will go. He pointedly ignores the burning sensation when he steps in, running his hands through his hair. Maybe I could vlog today? If Lloyd and Zane are okay with it, that is. Maybe I'll ask them before I go? Those thoughts quickly turn into planning what he should wear today, and a dangerous idea quickly slips into his mind.

_I should wear makeup today._

He hasn't worn makeup in a while, and the thought excites him as much as it makes him nervous. Zane had asked if Lloyd could wear feminine clothing, and Cole hadn't been lying when he said he was fine with it. But clothing and makeup were two different things. Cole needed them as his roommates. Badly.

_A little eyeliner won't kill you, Cole._

_\---------------_

"You sure were possessive today," Lloyd says with a hum, admiring the new marks on his neck in the mirror.

"I apologize," Zane began weakly, and Lloyd let out a little laugh.

"Don't be sorry, babe. It was hot as fuck. I liked it. I don't mind it."

"But what about Cole?'

"Listen, he already knows we're in a relationship, right? It shouldn't matter. Stop worrying and bask in the afterglow with me." Zane shakes his head minutely before pressing a kiss to the ring of marks on Lloyd's shoulder.

"Do you want me to grab a different dress?" Zane asks, and Lloyd is stomach flutters with how much he loves his boyfriend.

"That's sweet of you, love. But I'm fine. Tell me if you can see the hickey on my thigh, okay?" Zane nods, and Lloyd pulls away long enough to shuck his towel onto the floor and pull the dress over his head. It's probably his favorite-it was essentially an oversized sweater, and the forest green fabric slipped off his shoulders to reveal the bruising skin. "Do you mind me showing this much?" He asks, tugging the dress down so it covers a bit more of his thighs.

"If you're comfortable, then I do not mind." Lloyd smiled at his boyfriend, holding out his arms.

"Carry me to the bedroom?" Zane smiled back, letting Lloyd wrap his arms around his neck and curl his legs around the other man's waist. "You're so strong, babe."

"You flatter me," Zane replies, and Lloyd nuzzles into his neck. "Are you excited?"

"Very." Lloyd giggles as the other gently drops him on the bed. "And you? Are you excited?"

"I am," Zane answers honestly, running his hands through his boyfriend's hair.

"We can't go now, can we?"

"Lloyd, it's barely ten-thirty." Zane rolled his eyes at his boyfriend's childish whine, watching as he flopped back on the bed."

Would you like me to put your shoes on?" Lloyd perks up at the offer, and nods eagerly. Giving his boyfriend's knee a gentle pat, Zane got up to go and get his partner's shoes. "Which pair would you like, dearest?

""My Converse," Lloyd says, then quickly adds, "The white ones. Please?"

"Of course," Zane calls back, trekking through the house to get the shoes in question. After grabbing the shoes Lloyd wanted and a pair for himself Zane returned to the bedroom, smiling softly when he saw Lloyd sitting nervously on the edge of the bed. "You're gonna wear those?" Lloyd asked, eyes bright.

"They are my favorite pair," Zane replies, and Lloyd's grin takes his breath away. Settling in front of Lloyd, Zane presses a kiss to his knees. "They are one of a kind, after all. People would pay millions for a pair like them." Lloyd grasps at Zane's hair, letting out a muffled gasp as Zane kisses along his leg.

"Zane, you're embarrassing me." Lloyd whines, and Zane chuckles.

"You are cuter than usual when you're embarrassed." Zane presses his lips against Lloyd's ankle, who squirms a bit. Tugging a bit on Zane's hair Lloyd lets out a breathy sigh when Zane pulls his mouth away from his ankle. "There. Now we can leave and not be excessively early."

"Zane!" Lloyd laughs, bringing his hands down to cup Zane's face. "I love you."

"I love you, too." Zane replies easily, scooting back a bit as he began untying the knot in Lloyd's left shoe. The younger wriggles his toes in response, giggling into his hands.

"I love you the most," Lloyd counters, teasing. "More than the sun and the moon and the stars."

"And I love you more than the ice and snow, the flowers and the trees, the sunset and the sunrise." Zane's voice is soothing, and Lloyd can feel any of the jitters he had felt about meeting Cole melt away. He slips Lloyd shoe on easily, brushing his ankle slightly in a way that he hopes is comforting. A breathy sigh from Lloyd lets him release on of his own, and a tension he didn't know was there leaves his shoulders. He does the second shoe in a similar way, and as soon as it's on Lloyd stand up with a grin. "Let's go, yeah?" Zane smiles fondly back at him, and takes the hand that Lloyd offered.

"Let's."

\-------

A little eyeliner had quickly turned into a full face. It had started slowly, foundation, concealer, perfectly winged eyeliner (he had almost cried at that), and then he had started contouring. He had started as he usually did by creating shadows underneath his lip and creating stronger ones along his nose. And then it came to his cheeks. He considered doing something more feminine, but after studying himself in the mirror he decided to carve out his cheekbones and jaw line as skillfully as he knew how. It took a while, but eventually he could barely recognize himself in the mirror. God, did he love that feeling. He looked just a bit closer to how he wanted to-another step away from everything his father had wanted. It made him giddy, and he hummed to himself as searched through his lipsticks. "Go black, Cole. You wouldn't dare." He murmurs to himself, and finds himself laughing out loud. "Oh, I would." Reaching for the sturdiest black in his arsenal, Cole applied it easily. As soon as he placed it back in the container his phone vibrated, and it made him jump.

_From: Zane_

_Lloyd and I are on our way to the cafe. We will meet you there soon, yes?_

_To: Zane_

_Yeah, I'm just heading out. I'll get us a table, yeah?_

Cole hits send without thinking too hard about it, giving his bangs a good tousle before grabbing a pair of his boots and heading to the door. His phone vibrates again and he checks it with a smile.

_From: Zane_

_While I am extremely glad for your offer, I do not know what you look like._

Cole feels his face heat up, and he hesitates in the doorway.

To: Zane

Ah, right. Hang on a moment.

Cole hesitates a moment before shutting the door and leaning against it, glancing around to see if anyone was in the hall. Thankfully, no one was around, and he quickly took a picture of himself.

_To: Zane_

_Image sent_

_I'll be there in a few :D_

The emoji makes him feel better, and he closes his messages before he can stare at the picture too long. All right, Cole, calm down. It's one picture. Now get going! His phone vibrated against his thigh but he ignored it, making it about half-way down the hall before one of the doors opened. "Hey chief."

"Hey yourself," he retorts back playfully as his neighbor leans in the doorway. "Pixel said you stopped by last night. Everything all right?" He's still unused to his neighbor caring about him, especially since he's usually blunt and rash.

"Couldn't sleep," it wasn't a lie, but his neighbor's brows furrow regardless.

"Heading out?"

"Yeah," the tension leaves him in a rush and his neighbor laughs.

"Right, well, I won't keep you. Call if you need a ride home." The exaggerated wink the other man gives him makes him laugh despite the implications behind his statement.

"Alright, sure. Whatever." Cole jumps a bit when the other man grabs his arm and waits patiently for the other man to say something.

"Thanks for coming over last night," there's a serious undertone in the man's voice, and before Cole can ask about it the door opens and Pixel joins them, Google help possessively in her arms.

"Cryptor, Cole. What are you two up two?" She leans against Cryptor, who places a kiss on the top of her head."Nothin', babe. Just wishin' Cole luck."

"Oh?" Pixel looks amused, and Cole feels something stir in his chest. "Well, don't let us keep you. Call if you need anything." Cryptor laughs loudly at that, wrapping an arm around his girlfriend's waist before giving Cole a playful shove.

"Go get 'em tiger!" Cole shakes his head and continues towards the stairs after bidding the pair goodbye. _You can do this Cole. They wouldn't believe in you if you couldn't._ He repeats the phrase over and over until the syllables run together, and by the time he steps out of the apartment building he beings to believe it.

\-------------

Lloyd stared at the photo, trusting Zane to guide him away from lampposts and any people that passed them on the street. "He's so pretty," he coos for what has to be the thirteenth time, but Zane hums patiently and tugs him out of the way of a young couple pushing a stroller. Lloyd is tempted to send a whole message of just emojis-again, because the first set doesn't accurately represent the way his heart flutters and his breath is stolen from his lungs at just the sight of him. "Zane, I'm going to fuck this up." He whispers, and Zane grips his hand a little tighter.

"No, you will not."

"Will too," the argument is weak, and Lloyd presses their shoulders together as they walk. "Probably."

"Perhaps, but who is to say it won't end wonderfully?"

"Always the optimist, huh?" Lloyd teases, and the gentle smile he receives from Zane chases his fears away for a blissful moment.

"Only when it comes to us," is the soft reply, barely heard over the din from the street. But Lloyd hears, and it makes his heart ache and he tightens his grip on Zane's hand. "There it is. Are you ready?"

"No," Lloyd replies honestly, but finds himself grinning. "But fuck it, let's go!"

Zane laughs, and Lloyd knows that no matter what happens, they're going to be alright.


	3. Our First Encounter Ends in Tragedy

Slipping Zane's phone into his pocket Lloyd let his boyfriend lead him into the café, huddling closer when he realized how packed it was. He was tempted to leave, text Cole an apology and hope he understands how controlling anxiety can be when he spots the man in question causing his heart to stop. Cole is looking at his phone, taking one black lip between his teeth as he focused. His hair was pulled up into a bun, but some of the strands weren't long enough and fell messily around his face. He seems perfectly at ease, laughing to himself at whatever message he was reading. Lloyd forces himself to take a shaking breath before turning to his partner. "Found him," he chokes out, and Zane nods, giving his hand a squeeze.

"Relax," Zane murmurs. "Deep breaths. I won't let them hurt you."

"I know," he speaks louder than he normally would, desperate to be heard over the other people. "I know."

"Would you lead me to him?" Zane asks gently, brushing his thumb over Lloyd's hand.

"Yeah," the gesture soothes him greatly, and he tries to mold his expression into something confident as he leads Zane towards the booth that Cole was sitting at. "Cole Matthews?" He asks, hating the way his voice rises and threatens to crack. The other boy looks up in surprise, but his expression quickly melts into something warm.

"You're...Lloyd, right?" Cole turns off his phone as he speaks, even going so far as to turn it upside down on the table.

"That's me." He replies weakly, and Zane squeezes his hand gently. Cole absolutely beams at him, and if Zane hadn't been holding onto him Lloyd might have floated away from glee. "So that makes you Zane?"

"Yes, and it a pleasure to make your acquaintance." Lloyd can't help but feel envious of Zane's level head, but he's extremely grateful that he has it.

"Hey, the two of you can sit down...if you'd like?" Cole raises the last few words politely as if he was asking a question, and the couple exchange looks before settling into the booth. "That dress is cute, by the way. It suits you." Lloyd feels his face heat up, and a quick glance at Cole shows that the other is just as red. Zane chuckles and nudges him gently.

"Thank you," he blurts with all the eloquence of a toddler, and that just makes his boyfriend laugh. The kind that makes his head tilt back and shoulders shake; the kind that makes Lloyd so weak in the knees he feels like he's going to faint. Instead, he buries his face into Zane's shoulder and pouts, muttering, "You're bullying me. Both of you."

Cole laughs then, and Lloyd watches him with wide-eyes. His eyes close when he laughs, Lloyd notices, and his heart swells at the sight. The makeup is nice, too! Maybe he could teach me how to do that? Cole settles after a minute, looking at the pair with a smile. "The waitress keeps coming over and asking if I'm waiting for someone. I'm pretty sure she thinks I've been stood up." The words come out between chuckles, and Zane hums in acknowledgement.

"Sorry to keep you waiting so long." Lloyd mumbles, and Cole shrugs.

"It's no problem; gave me time to check the comments section of my latest video."

"You make videos?" Lloyd asks excitedly. Zane mentioned he makes videos, but I still don't really know much about it.

"Yeah, I was actually planning to make one today, if that's okay?" Cole rubs the back of his neck, and when Zane looks over Lloyd has stars in his eyes.

"Really?" Cole flushes at the awe in Lloyd's voice, and nods his head in agreement.

"This café is pretty great; even though it's crowded they let you film. I come here to vlog sometimes."

"You can totally film today! Right, Zane?" Lloyd turns to his partner, who smiles fondly and nods his assent.

"Ah, really? Then do you mind if I film now? Can I show you guys in the footage?"

"Yes," Lloyd breathes, practically vibrating in his seat. Just as Cole moves to pick up his phone the waitress arrives, and Lloyd and Cole both let out a sigh.

"Glad your friends showed up," the young woman replied, setting three menus onto the table. "Can you figure out drink orders, or do you want me to come back in a minute?"

"Guys?" Cole asked, and Lloyd noticed how he hadn't even opened the menu.

"Ah, well," Zane began, and the waitress gave a soft hum.

"I'll come back in a moment; there's no rush." She gave a little wave before heading to another table.

"The milkshakes here are really good," Cole offered, and the other two men hummed.

"Cole," Zane began, and the other boy raised his head. "We will take the bill. Feel free to order whatever you would like."

"No way; I can't do that!" Cole had grown pale and gripped the table tightly.

"You can," Zane retorted gently. "We would like to do this for you. As thanks for considering us."

"It's selfish, really, having you move in. I can't pay the bills and need help. Going home isn't an option."

"Our reason for moving in with you is selfish, too." Lloyd chimes, closing the menu with a distinct snap. "Let us do this for you, okay? If you want to do something in return you can teach me how you got your wings so sharp." Cole hesitates, staring at the wooden table-top for a few moments.

"Alright," he relents finally, and Lloyd lets out a cheer. Cole gives a weak smile in return, and the waitress decides this is the most opportune moment to return.

"Ready kiddos?" She asks, and Zane can't help but furrow his brow. The waitress looks about as old as they are, if not younger. Cole smiles at her finally, seeming to finally relax. "I'll take the usual, yeah?"

"Whipped cream and no cherry. We have some extra strawberries-I'm sure I could pull a few strings and use them to replace the cherry."

"Could you?" Cole brightens immediately, and Zane stifles a chuckle.

"I'll have..." Lloyd hums cutely, "the lemonade shake."

"Sounds good! Whipped cream and a cherry?"

"Yes, please," Zane can't help but feel the waitress's kiddo remark was fitting with how childish Lloyd sounded. But his boyfriend was happy, and Zane felt his heart melt at the sight.

"And for you?"

"An iced tea, please. Unsweetened if possible." The waitress flashes him a grin as she writes everything down on her notepad.

"Sure thing. I'll bring those out in a minute, alright? Sit tight and behave yourselves." Cole laughs, another full body one, and Zane feels Lloyd searching for his hand underneath the table.

"That was Denise," Cole begins, tapping his fingers against the table. "She's goes to the college around here as a modeling student. We've done a couple photoshoots together."

"You model too?" Lloyd asks, and Cole blinks in surprise.

"Me? Nah, I'm not made for that sort of thing. I just took some pictures."

"You're in front of a camera a lot, aren't you? I bet you could model if you really wanted to." Lloyd said with an air of finality, and Cole shook his head.

"Kai mentioned you had a YouTube channel," Zane began conversationally, and Cole seemed to go pale all over again.

"Did he now?"

"Yes; I watched a few of your videos. You are quite talented, Cole."

"What did watch?" Cole's voice seemed strained, and Zane furrowed his brows.

"A few of the story-time videos. I was curious about you. If you would prefer I not watch anymore I would understand." Lloyd squeezes his hand gently, and all the tension leaves  
Cole's shoulders in a sigh.

"No, no. It's quite alright. I don't mind you watching. Some of my videos are just a bit, ah...unusual." Just before Zane can ask what is unusual about them Denise returns with their drinks.

"Alright, here we are. Strawberry for Cole, iced tea for blonde on the right, and lemonade for blonde on the left. Are you guys going to want something to eat, too? Or should I come back?"

"Come back," Cole states just as Lloyd says, "Food sounds good." The two exchange a look while Denise laughs.

"If you could come back in a few moments that would be greatly appreciated," Zane stated, and Denise nods before sauntering off.

"Sorry," Cole begins, rubbing at the back of his neck shyly. "I just...don't eat a lot in the mornings. If you want to eat that's fine, but I probably won't get anything."

"Are you sure?" Lloyd ask, swirling his straw around his milkshake. "You totally can, if you'd like."

"I'm good," Cole assures before glancing at his phone. "Can I...I can still film, right?"

"Yes!" Zane chuckles at his boyfriend's eager response, and Cole grins back at them.

"Alright, well, let's get started then." Cole shifts, grabbing his phone and fiddling with it for a moment before he began. "Hey guys! So, I'm going on some adventures today and I thought I'd bring you along. I'm sure if you've seen any of my vlogs before you know where we are, but there's a bit of a surprise today. I have some guests! Say hi, guys!" Cole shifts his phone so the camera faces the other two boys. Lloyd waves, and Zane offers a smile. "We met up for lunch! Or, breakfast I guess. You guys are going to kill me when you see what I ordered." Cole focus his phone on his milkshake. "Crazy, right? I was old told not to eat ice cream for breakfast, but here we are. Perks of living on your own." Cole laughs at that, turning his camera back to himself. "Although, I guess if this meeting goes well I won't be living by myself anymore, huh?"

"Right," Lloyd chimed, and Zane hummed his assent. He couldn't help but feel in awe of how at ease Cole seemed. The other man was completely in his element, and a quick glance at his partner revealed that Lloyd was just as taken as he was. Zane nursed his ice tea as the other boy continued to talk, and in the minutes he spoke Zane learnt more about the other man then he probably would have if they had had to instigate the conversation. "I know you guys are going to tease me for getting the same thing every time but I swear it's the best thing I've ever had. Do you think they would sponsor me? Zane, do you think I could convince them to sponsor me?"

"Perhaps," he replies, and Lloyd laughs.

"Alright, well, I'll talk to you guys in a little bit. See you!" Cole waves into his phone camera before stopping the recording. "Thanks for letting me do that, guys. I just...I really love filming."

"Do you have a spot for filming in your apartment?" Zane asked politely.

"I film in my bedroom, mostly. There used to be a neighbor who was really loud, so I would film in one of the spare closets." Despite Cole's nonchalant tone his eyes were shining. "My neighbor-well, she lives on the same floor as me-she and her boyfriend got me this really nice mic for Christmas. And her cat comes over a lot-she's really sweet. Her name's Google, and she's a Siamese cat!" Cole was talking rapidly now, smile wide and his hands had begun moving as he spoke. "Cats are really cool. I thought about getting one, so the apartment wouldn't be lonely, but I couldn't afford one. So I'm really glad that she lets her cat come over. Are either of you allergic to cats? Ah, fuck, I'm rambling, aren't I? Sorry, I just, I'm just so fucking excited and..." Cole trailed off, staring at his hands.

"Cole," Lloyd began, and Zane feels his heart swell with pride when Lloyd reaches across the table and takes Cole's hands in his. "I want to meet this cat, and your neighbor, and see your film space. I want us to go to Walmart at three in the morning for groceries just because we can; I want to stay up until we regret it in the mornings, high on caffeine and talking about weird conspiracy theories." Lloyd pauses there, and Zane quickly picks up where he left off.

"I, too, want to get to know you better. You seem passionate about your videos, and if I can do anything to help create a place where you can film and be happy then I want to do so."

"Why?" Cole choked, looking between the two. Zane knew what Lloyd wanted to say, could see the words on his lips before he even registered it himself. _Because I love you, that's why_ , Lloyd wanted to say, but Zane would be damned if he let his partner say those words and get hurt again. Not after last time.

"Because why not?" Lloyd retorted, and Zane's heart swelled with pride when his partner playfully added, "So, when can we move in?"

\------

Cole sighed, feeling emotionally exhausted. They had parted ways soon after, with a promise to meet up again some other time to discuss the finer details of their moving process. As they had left he cafÃ© Lloyd looked like he wanted to say something, and he had started to several times, but the words died on his lips and the blonde would look at his boyfriend for help. Zane ended up carrying most of the conversation as a result, and during the walk home Cole couldn't help but feel like it was all his fault.

_I went and got attached-I barely even know them! God, you're such a fucking idiot, Cole._

As he entered his apartment building he considered going to Pixel's, because he didn't want to be in his own. Especially since he would have to edit the footage, and film some more. The weight of his encounter hung heavy on his shoulders, and he wanted nothing more than to sleep. But sleeping meant dreaming, and he wasn't quite ready for that, either. At least, not alone. So, he trudged up the steps to the second floor and went to Pixel's apartment. He only had to knock once before it opened, and Cryptor was smiling at him. "How'd it go, champ?"

"Later," he replied, and Cryptor reached out to press the back of his hand against Cole's forehead.

"You're warm. Come on--do you want to take a nap?"

"That sounds great," Cole murmured, and Crytpor placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Easy, champ, come on. Slip your shoes off, will you? Pix just vacuumed." Cole nodded, and Cryptor kept a steady hold on him as he shucked his shoes off. Cryptor murmured soft encouragements as he led Cole to the couch as if it was his first time being in the apartment. "I'll get you a blanket. Do you want some makeup remover too?"

"Please," Cole muttered, and Cryptor ruffled his hair before disappearing into the apartment. He faintly hears Cryptor talking to Pixel, and he takes this time to look around the apartment. It hadn't changed much since the time he had last been here-a few more photographs on the wall, Pixel's desk surprisingly organized in the far left corner; a cactus sat on the windowsill, and he heard some shifting behind him. Turning carefully, he smiled fondly when he saw Google climbing one of the cat trees he knew were around the house. The cat meowed happily, and he chirped back at her. "C'mere, champ."

"I can do it," Cole murmured, flushing when Crytpor tried to remove his makeup for him. The other man laughed, shaking his head as he grabbed Cole's chin with his free hand. Kneeling, Crytpor spoke softly to him as he rubbed the cloth over Cole's face, asking, "Did something happen? Did they hurt you? You look exhausted." The worry was a bit out of character for the other man, but Cole was grateful for it.

"It was just emotionally exhausting. I started rambling and...felt guilty for it. They still want to move in; I don't know why, though."

"They want to move in because you're creating a safe space for them. People want to be safe."

"You'll stay, won't you?" Cole asks suddenly. He feels emotionally vulnerable, and God, he doesn't want to be alone right now.

"'Course I will. Sit up for a second, will you?" Cole did as he was told, and Cryptor filled the spot he had vacated. "Alright, come 'ere." He adjusted so Cole's head was in his lap. Cryptor unceremoniously threw the blanket over him, and began threading one of his hands through Cole's hair. "Now sleep, champ. God knows you need it."

Cole shut his eyes and his mind began to wander. Cryptor and Pixel had always been there for him-he had moved into the apartments just after his eighteenth birthday, and the couple had almost four years on him. Cryptor had taken a liking to him immediately, and it was with him Cole first confided in his concerns about his mental health. The older man had taken it upon himself to ensure that Cole had a safe space, and both he and his girlfriend figured out what worked for helping Cole. When he asked why they did this Crytpor had joking replied, "Geography." It was later that Pixel revealed that Crytpor had bipolar disorder, and most of the methods he used for helping Cole were ones he used to help himself. As she had put it, "He worries you'll end up like he was when he was your age-so depressed that it converted into anger. He wants you to be happy, and he'll do whatever it takes to ensure that." The two of them knew his emotions better than he did himself, and he murmurs something that vaguely sounds like "I love you" into Cryptor's thigh.

"I know," Crytpor replies, "I know. Just sleep, champ. Sleep."

Cole squeezes his eyes shut and tries to forget the Lloyd's smile and the deep rumbling of Zane's laugh. _God, Cole, you've really done it this time._ Cole's breathing evens, and he finally falls into a restless sleep.

\--------

They hadn't talked since they gotten home. Lloyd had simply stated, "I'm going to take a shower," and left, not even bothering to take his shoes off. Zane could see steam coming from underneath the door and knew that Lloyd was trying to burn away the guilt and pain he felt by having the water as hot as it could go. It made his heart hurt, and he sat on the couch to patiently wait for Lloyd to return. It was nearly an hour, and when Lloyd settled next to him he wasn't warm like Zane thought he would be; Lloyd was frozen, as if he had turned the water as cold as possible before stepping out. _He hasn't even dried off properly,_ he thought, Lloyd's hair stuck to his forehead and icy droplets cascading down his back. He had left to get a towel and his boyfriend barely looked up when he returned, knees drawn painfully close to his chest. Zane took his time, carefully toweling his boyfriend's hair and neck before taking his hands in his.

They stay like that for a while; Lloyd's hands trembling in his and Zane unsure of what to say so he says nothing. The blonde sniffles occasionally, and Zane considers going to get a blanket and a hot drink for him, but the moment he makes to stand Lloyd grips his hands so tightly his knuckles grow white. So he stays, kneeling in front of his boyfriend and pressing delicate kisses to his fingers, trying to take whatever was eating him inside himself; willing all of Lloyd's pain to rest on his shoulders.

"Zane," it's the first word spoken in hours, and Zane hums softly in his boyfriend's palm. "He...he was so happy. Did you seem him smile? I wanted to see him smile like that forever. Fuck, Zane. I've got it bad. I barely know him and I already want to spend forever with him." It was like the floodgates had opened, and once Lloyd started talking he couldn't stop. "Fuck, I've got you, and you're amazing and beautiful and I don't deserve you but God, fuck, Zane. I want him. It's different from how I feel about you but just as good. I don't get it. One should be enough-one is enough for lots of people. And I don't love you any less-hell, I think I love you more every day-but I want him. I want to love him just as much as I love you. Zane," Lloyd chokes on the syllables, barely getting them out around his sobs.

"I understand," Zane murmurs this into his boyfriend's wrist. He _does_ understand, for the most part. While he had never fallen for a partner as quickly as Lloyd had, he certainly felt something with Cole. Lloyd frees his hands from Zane's grip and cups the other boy's cheeks. "Kiss me," he whispers, and Zane leans up to oblige. It's messy, Lloyd's teeth nipping his bottom lip and their foreheads knocking together almost painfully. Zane's hands move to Lloyd's thighs and he grips so tightly he worries there might be bruises later. "Fuck, Zane," Lloyd pulls away just enough to get the words out. "Can you...Can you do the thing? Pretty please?"

Of course," Zane murmurs, and Lloyd let's go of him long enough to stand. As soon as he's upright Lloyd's clinging to him again; arms wrapped tightly around his neck and legs struggling to wrap around his waist. Zane helps where he can, and when Lloyd's in a position where he can be carried Zane heads towards the bedroom.

_I don't fully understand how he's feeling, but I am going to make him feel better. I have to._

 Lloyd clings to him, even when Zane enters the bedroom and tries to set the other boy on the bed. Nails digging into Zane's shoulders as he whines, and Zane knows better to try and reason with his partner. Lloyd always was the more emotional of the two--he wore his heart on his sleeve and didn't care who saw it, so it made sense to Zane that his partner's emotions would travel with him wherever he went, even in the bedroom. "Lloyd," he whispers, urging the other boy to lay on the bed. "It will be easier if you lie down, love."

"Fuck easy," Lloyd retorts childishly, and Zane shakes his head. 

"I would like to fuck you, preferably," Zane replies, and that makes Lloyd's head snap up. 

"You swore," Lloyd's voice is full of almost child-like wonder, and he releases his grip on Zane's shoulders. "I, um..." Zane chuckled at how red his boyfriend's face had become, reaching up to ruffle his hair gently. "God, you're so hot when you swear, you know that? Like, damn." As his boyfriend began to ramble Zane began to position his boyfriend who was suddenly a lot more compliant. 

"Comfortable?" Zane asked, interrupting Lloyd's musings on the "work of art that was his thighs".

"Yeah," Lloyd replies, shifting so he leant a bit more against the headboard. "I won't hit my head. Promise." Zane hums in response, moving so he's precariously perched on the edge of the bed. "Do you wanna take these off? Or should I?" There's a teasing tone to Lloyd's voice, and Zane gestures for him to raise his hips. The green fabric of Lloyd's pajama pants slide off easily and Lloyd shudders at the sudden feeling of cool air. 

"Cold?"

"Not for long," Lloyd retorts playfully, and lets out a squeal when Zane grabs his right foot. "You bully!" Zane looks at his partner for a moment, and although Lloyd certainly looks like he's feeling better Zane can see the weight still clinging to his shoulders. 

"I love you," he murmurs, pressing a kiss on the top of Lloyd's foot. "So very much." A kiss to his ankle. "You and that beautiful heart of yours." Another kiss to his ankle. "My beautiful partner." A kiss that goes more towards his toes, and they wiggle as Lloyd lets out a sigh. "You worry me." Several kisses pressed along the length of his foot, stopping just above his ankle. "Let me take all of it." He shifts, letting Lloyd's right foot fall to the bed as he turns his attention to the left. "Aren't you the one saying I am broad shouldered?"" A kiss to his shin this time, dangerously close to his knee. "If your words ring true, let me shoulder your burdens." Lloyd moans at that, head knocking against the headboard lightly. "Careful," he murmurs into Lloyd's ankle, "You'll get hurt."

"Not with you around," Lloyd retorts, and anything else he has to is cut off by Zane licking along his shin, ankle to knee. "Fuck," it's a whine, and Zane has to press his forehead against Lloyd's knee and catch his breath because,  _God, that was attractive._ After reminding himself that he was far from done and steeling his resolve Zane places a quick kiss to Lloyd's other knee before moving up to straddle him. "Fucker," Lloyd whispers, but Zane knows he doesn't mean it rudely.

"Indeed," he replies, "so does that make you the fuckee?" Lloyd groans at that, reaching up to grab at Zane's collar and pulls him into a kiss. It's messy, which worries him a bit, because Lloyd usually takes a lot longer to get worked when they do this, but when he sees the smug grin on Lloyd's face as he pulls away he can't help but play along. "Keep going," Lloyd urges, and Zane begins to press his lips on any of the skin he can reach along Lloyd's neck. Clawing at his shoulders desperately Lloyd moans, and Zane makes sure to steer away from any of the hickeys he had left that morning and tries his best to not make any new ones. Not that his partner would mind, but they had a silent agreement between the two to not make any more marks until the previous ones healed--and that went for all things they did in the bedroom. "Zane," Lloyd groans, using the other boy's shoulders to pull himself as close to Zane's ear as possible, "Talk to me."

"How?" Zane replies, taking one of Lloyd's hands and pressing his lips against his palm. "I apologize, but my mouth is a bit preoccupied at the moment."  Lloyd struggles a bit at the loss of leverage, but steadies himself and groans, "Cheater."

"Never," a kiss to his wrist, at the pulse point. "I do not cheat." He takes one of Lloyd's fingers in his mouth (the middle one, because he knows Lloyd will get a kick out of it) and sucks, hard. Lloyd only stares at him, pupil's blown wide and a whine that he barely manages to hide by biting his lip. He releases it with an obscene ' _pop_ ' and in an act of retribution Lloyd drags his finger across Zane's cheek. "Bully." 

"Baby," Zane whispers, and Lloyd kisses him so hard that Zane has to struggle to keep their position. The hand not in Zane's grasp is now at the back of his neck, threading through his hair and keeping him there.  _As if I could ever leave_ , Zane thinks to himself, trying not to let Lloyd's head hit the headboard as he lowers him gently. Lloyd pants, staring up at him with lustful eyes. "Do it," he dares, and Zane accepts the challenge in the form of hiking Lloyd's shirt up to his elbows and creating a trial of kisses from his chin to his collar bone. Lloyd whines, one hand fisting the sheets and the other tugging at Zane's hair so hard he lets out a strangled groan. There's a pause, then; their eyes are anywhere but each other and their heavy breathing fills the air. Lloyd is the one to break the pause (he always is, because while Zane is content to look and not touch his partner wants anything  _but_ ). It starts carefully, as if Lloyd is afraid he will break the spell if he rushes, and Zane hums encouragingly when Lloyd cups his face. "Keep going," Lloyd urges, and it's all Zane needs. He shifts so he has better access to Lloyd's chest, hovering more over his legs rather than over his hips. The first kiss is soft, lips barely pressing against the space between Lloyd's pecs. His boyfriend shifts impatiently, and he asks softly, "Do you wish for me to speed up?"

"If I say yes," Lloyd begins slowly, "Would you be upset?" 

"No," Zane replies smoothly, dragging his nails lightly down Lloyd's stomach. "If you wished for it, I would pull moon and stars from the sky and give them to you on a golden platter." Lloyd groans, because his boyfriend isn't the type to boast. He meant every word he said, and if that didn't send shivers down Lloyd's spine then Zane's next words certainly did. "Especially if that means I get to fuck you into the mattress." 

"You're going to kill me," Lloyd declares, making his boyfriend chuckle. It would be an understatement to say Lloyd loved when his boyfriend swore--hell, he could probably have an orgasm just by listening to his boyfriend. Zane took everything seriously, and put his best effort into everything. And that included their adventures in the bedroom. It always took a while for Zane to get comfortable speaking to him like that (Not that Lloyd blamed him, of course he couldn't blame him) but once he did they came out after every breath, whispered into any skin Zane could reach. 

 "I'm going to fuck you," is whispered into his side, making him grip at the sheets and tossing his head into the headboard. It hurts, a little, but he's more focused on trying to listen to whatever it is his boyfriend is mumbling into his thighs. "Going to make you feel so good. I wanna make you scream." Lloyd groans, raising his hips when Zane's fingers dip into the waistband of his boxers.

"Neighbors," he retorts weakly, but Zane merely whispers, "We are moving, anyway," into his knee. Lloyd responds by lightly knocking his knee against Zane's temple, and his boyfriend merely hums. "Do that again," Lloyd begins shifting nervously, "Just, ah, on..."

"Here?" Zane asks innocently, taking one finger and tracing along the length of Lloyd's cock. The other boy shudders, and Zane smiles into the boy's thigh. Lloyd attempts to say something else, most likely a teasing remark, but all the words die when Zane gently places his mouth on the tip. Lloyd bucks instinctively, and Zane places steadying hands on Lloyd's legs. He slowly takes as much of Lloyd's cock as he can handle, using his hand on any he couldn't. Lloyd squirms, moaning loudly. His head knocks against the headboard as he reaches for Zane's head, tightly threading his fingers through his hair and keeping him in place. Zane hums and Lloyd groans, pinpricks of pleasure shooting down his back and thighs. 

"I'm," Lloyd begins, and Zane hums again. "Fuck, Zane, I'm not gonna last."  Zane rubs soothing circles on Lloyd's hip with one hand, the other adjusting his grip on Lloyd's cock. "Fuck, Zane!" Lloyd comes with a whine, and Zane swallows thickly. When he pulls back Lloyd is trying to sit up, reaching for him desperately. Zane wipes his mouth sloppily, swallowing again for good measure. "C...C'mere." Lloyd kisses him gently, blindly reaching into Zane's pants. The other boy jacks him off slowly, and Zane presses sloppy kisses to his neck in return. He comes with a hum, ruffling his partner's hair gently. "Feel better? He asks gently, and Lloyd grins at him.

"Yeah, I do. Thanks, by the way."

"Anytime." Lloyd kisses him again before slowly getting up. 

"I'm gonna go clean up," he mumbles, and Zane begins gathering up his clothes. Lloyd turns around suddenly and stares at him, before exclaiming, "You cheater. You never got undressed!" Zane laughs, and suddenly nothing else in the world matters.

Because he's here, with his boyfriend, and not a single thing on Earth could beat the things he feels when he's with Lloyd. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! This chapter took a completely different direction than I thought it was. I do apologize for my inability to write proper smut but...an attempt was made. There's only one way to go and that's forward, I suppose. Talk to you all soon, and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	4. Shall We Make Dinner Plans?

When Cole awakens it to something warm and wet on his cheek. "Google," he tries, hoping he isn't wrong, "you're cute and all, but can you not?" The cat meows directly in his ear before padding a few spaces and settling on his chest. 

"You and that cat," Cryptor says from above him, shaking his head. "I never understand you two." 

"Neither do I," Cole admits honestly, blindly reaching a hand to try and pet the cat. "But, I mean, it works. So who are we to question it?"

"The words of a saint," Cryptor teases, and Cole realizes that his hands are still in his hair. "Now, if you're done pretending to be Sleeping Beauty dinner is ready."

"Cat," he whines, and Cryptor laughs. 

"Too bad, c'mon. Get up." The older man nudges him gently, and Cole slowly sits up. Google doesn't seem too offended, delicately hopping off his stomach and chirping happily at him. "See? No problem." Cole follows him to the table where Pixel is already sitting. She looks up from her phone when they arrive, and she smiles softly at the both of them. 

"Glad you could join us. Are you feeling any better?" She rests her chin in her hands as she speaks, and Cole couldn't help but be reminded of how beautiful she was. She had been offered modeling jobs countless times, even after her tattoos, and she had turned them all down without a second thought. "I am better suited for making the cameras, not being in front of them," was her level-headed response. "Cole?" She urges softly, and he shakes his head.

"Sorry, you just look pretty, is all." She laughs at that, and he can hear Cryptor sigh "fuck yeah she is" beside him. 

"I'm a mess," is her simple response, "now come and sit down. Eat." He wants to argue, but Cryptor is already easing him into a chair before taking one beside his girlfriend.

"Thank you for letting me stay," he begins softly, and Pixel smiles dreamily at him. 

"No extra charge." He chuckles at that, and Crytpor passes him a box of takeout. 

"Indian tonight. Think you can handle it, pretty boy?" There's a serious undertone in Cyrptor's voice and Cole nods, accepting the box from him eagerly.

"Of course I can. I practically lived on curry my senior year of high school." 

"Did you now? We haven't heard that story yet." Pixel leans against her boyfriend as she speaks, and Cole racks his brain for the beginning of the story.

"It was a diet plan, I think. My dad...wanted me to loose some weight. Said I had bulked up too much. Guess he thought I couldn't dance with all the muscle I put on." Cole shrugs, scooping some rice onto his plate. "He read somewhere that spicy foods boost your metabolism or something. So, he was putting spices in everything, and more often than not I had curry at least twice a day. You think I'd get sick of it, right? Eating it every day for almost a year." Cole sighs wistfully, tapping idly on the table. "I think it just made me hate him more. And, I guess, it made me fall in love with curry. I can make it, too!"

"The real question is if it's edible," Cyrptor jokes lightly, and Cole kicks in his general direction under the table. That only causes the other man to laugh, and Cole pouts when Pixel giggles beside him. "Kidding, kidding. I don't think I could even look at curry if I had to eat it every day for a year." There's a pause as tries to collect his thoughts. "Did I tell you about how I ate during my first year at trade school?"

 "No," Cole leans forward, and Pixel is laughing so hard she's struggling to breathe. 

"I would eat straight blocks of ramen noodles. I wouldn't cook them. At all. I'd sprinkle the season packet on and butter if I was feeling, uh...zesty." Cryptor is red all the way to his ears, and Pixel manages to get "tell him why" between wheezes. It takes a few minutes for Cryptor to get the words out, and when he does Cole laughs so hard his sides ache. "I didn't own a pot. Or pan. And I wasn't about to cook noodles in my tool box."

They end up staying there until it's practically morning, swapping stories over Indian food that had gone cold hours before. It's only when Cryptor doesn't get up after laying his head on the table and starts snoring do they start moving again. Cole stretches, feeling entirely too stiff, and Pixel ruffles her boyfriend's hair affectionately. "Stay over," she whispers, startling him a bit.

"I'm only a couple doors down," he reasons, helping her carry any take out that could be salvaged to the refrigerator. 

"Google will miss you," she retorts, pausing a moment. "I would miss you."

"That's nice," he has to stand on the tips of his toes to properly reach around her. "Really, though. I want to go home. Film."

"Don't stay up to late," she leans back until her head is pressed against his shoulder, and he has to adjust to keep them both from stumbling. "What are you filming?"

"I don't know," he tries not to shrug, instead chewing on his lip. "ASMR, maybe?"

"Scandalous," she teases, and his face heats up. "I'm joking, I'm joking. Maybe you could make something for those pretty boys of yours. A mouth like yours could seduce them in ten minutes, easy."

"Stop," he whines, and she laughs into his shoulder.

"Go. I'll finish up here, Cole. Good night." She presses a kiss to the back of his neck and he stills.

"I don't love you," he whispers, and she tightens her grip on him. "Not like that. I wish I did, sometimes. Wish I felt like that for both of you. But I don't and I can't and I'm  _sorry_." 

"It's alright, darling," she purrs, beginning to rub his shoulders. "It's alright and we understand. There's nothing wrong with you. It's alright that you love men, and can find it in your heart to love more than one. It's beautiful, and amazing, and there is nothing, nothing to be ashamed of." She emphasizes the last words, and their weight settles on his shoulders so much his shoulders actually sag. Carefully she releases him, spinning him around and shutting the refrigerator. "Cole," her voice is a siren's song, and he lets her tip him back so he's leaning against the refrigerator. His hands find her waist, settling just above her hips. Part of him worries for a moment what Cryptor will think if he wakes up and sees them like this, but he pushes those thoughts aside when Pixel presses her lips to his cheek. "Beautiful boy." He lets his hands fall, Pixel studying him a moment before pulling away. "You're going now, yes?"

"I'm going, I'm going." He's glad when she walks him to the door. Her hands are constantly brushing against him, and he isn't sure how much is on purpose and how much is just instinct. They pause for a moment in the doorway, and Pixel smiles fondly at him. Regret blossoms in his chest, though he isn't what sure why, and he tries his best to return her smile. "Good night," she ruffles his hair one last time as he steps out, and he forces a grin back at her. "Sleep, okay." That was another thing they did. No "Sleep well" or "Pleasant dreams" were ever exchanged between them; instead, they exchanged urges to sleep in the hopes that they would, eventually, sleep dreamlessly. He whispers, "You too, okay?"

"Those boys are something special, Cole. I've never seen you smile like that." Pixel's words seem to come out of nowhere, and she smiles soothingly at him. "Bring them over for dinner soon, alright?"  He gawks at her, reply already on his lips, but the door is shut (not unkindly) in his face, and he's left gaping in the hallway. Clearing his throat he mutters a sulky "Goodbye" before heading back to his apartment. He ends up fumbling with the key, almost dropping it twice, but when he's finally within the safety of his own apartment he lets out a sob, sinking against the door and landing on the ground with a soft 'thud'. He rests his chin on his knees, taking several deep breaths to try and calm down. "You can't film like this, Cole." His voice cracks in the middle, but it's enough motivation to get himself to pick himself up off the ground and make his way to the bedroom. 

\----------

When Lloyd wakes up, everything is dark. Zane is snoring softly beside him, arm thrown over Lloyd's chest and leg haphazardly tossed across his own. It's suffocating, and as much as he loves his partner Lloyd needs space,  _now._ So he does his best to untangle himself without waking Zane, and when he does so he lets out a sigh in relief. Grabbing one of the phones from the bedside table Lloyd slips out into the living room. It's quite, almost uncomfortably so, and Lloyd settles onto the couch with a sigh. He draws his knees to his chest, plugging his earbuds in and putting them into his ears roughly. Blinking, he stares at the face on the screen, and realizes he grabbed Zane's phone by mistake. Not that it matter--they swapped phones all the time. So, he unlocks it, and when he sees what pops up he almost drops the phone.

It's a video, and the person smiling at him is..."Cole." Lloyd whispers, and a shiver travels down his spine. The video was muted, but Cole was talking animatedly, and it made Lloyd smile. He scrolls through the list, and one of the video's catches his attention. "He does ASMR?" Lloyd scrolls a bit more and finds a playlist entitled "ASMR Role Plays." He glances over his shoulder, though he knows he's not doing anything out of the ordinary , and clicks it. There are nearly a dozen videos in it, and Lloyd is rather impressed. It's diverse, catering to a wide range of audiences. One particular video catches his attention, and with a surge of guilt he clicks on it. 

"Hey, love," Cole's voice fills his ears, so soft that Lloyd has to turn the volume up dangerously loud to hear him. "It's been a long day, hasn't it? You look so tired." Cole drags out the 'so' long enough that his voice goes from ear to ear, and when it comes again it's in Lloyd's left ear only. "Shh, it will be alright, darling. Just relax; I'll take care of you." Shivers travel down his spine, and Lloyd begins chewing on his lip. "You aren't tired? Don't lie, sweetie; I can see the dark circles from here." Cole chuckles lowly in Lloyd's ear, and Lloyd let's out a breathy ear. "Oh, I get it," Cole switches ears slowly, humming softly to himself. "You want me to do _that_. Well, I could never say no to someone like you." His brows furrow, and he lets out a gasp when he hears Cole's lips press against the microphone.

His body reacts faster than he can process it, tingles starting at the base of his neck and spreading like wildfire. Lloyd felt electric, and he pressed a hand over his mouth the make sure no sounds came out. "You're trembling," Cole sighs, pressing his lips against the microphone again, "Must feel good, then." 

"Yeah," Lloyd mumbles into his hand, leaning more comfortably against the couch. He glances down at his phone, watching as Cole pulls back far enough that Lloyd can clearly see his face. His brows are furrowed, and Cole is chewing on his bottom lip thoughtfully. "Sit down, love. Get comfortable; we'll be here a while." There's a pause, and Cole shifts, too, dragging his fingers lightly over the microphone. He taps idly, and each one sent shocks of pleasure down Lloyd's spine. "Ah, my boyfriend's so cute!" Cole says the words directly into the front of the mic, and to Lloyd it feels like they're being whispered into his forehead. "Beautiful," Cole begins to kiss the mic again, lips hovering just above it. Lloyd feels overwhelmed by the sensations, and he nearly swears when he feels heat begin to pool at the bottom of his stomach when Cole makes a particularly obscene "Ah," into the left side of the microphone. 

He takes a few minutes to adjust, setting the phone precariously onto his left knee while blindly shoving his hand into the waistband of his pajama pants. "Baby," Cole croons, "What're you doing?" Lloyd feels like the words are aimed directly at him and keens into his hand. "I told you I'd take care of you." Cole presses a particularly rough kiss to the left side of the mic, and the static makes the hair on Lloyd neck stand. "That's it, baby, just like that. Relax." Cole's voice is breathy in his ears, whispering things that quickly begin to increase in obscenity the more he spoke. "God, baby, you look so good. Tilt your neck a bit, that's it." Lloyd does as Cole says unintentionally, fingers searching for a moment before settling around his cock. He tries to keep his pace steady, but Cole is purring, "Fuck, baby, I love you," into his ear and Lloyd finds himself going at an almost frantic pace, shoving two fingers in his mouth to keep the noise he was making down. It's futile, he knows, because he's always been incredibly loud and Zane had always been a light sleeper. "Come one, babe, just a little more," Lloyd swears he can hear shifting fabric from Cole's side, but he can't dwell on it because Cole whispers, "Babe, do it for me."

Lloyd comes with a moan, fingers shoved so deep in his throat to try and muffle the sound that he chokes, spluttering a bit as shudders. The video plays on, Cole laughing breathily before muttering something Lloyd doesn't catch. His head aches where he had slammed it against the armrest, and his thighs feel stiff. It takes a minute, but soon Lloyd slowly unfurls himself from his position and sits upright. The afterglow still sits heavy on his chest, and he's only minutely aware of how uncomfortably sticky his hand is. Still, he gets up and heads towards the bathroom, slipping his phone into the pocket of his pajama pants, barely registering that Cole is saying something incredibly sensual into the mic. The house feels still, and Lloyd's breathing too loud, but he chooses not to focus on it. Instead, he clings to the warmth spreading through his chest, effectively blocking out the negative thoughts swirling around his mind. 

When he returns to the bedroom his hands are scrubbed raw, icy droplets cascading down his face the only indicator of his attempt hid his shame. The bed groans as he settles, and Zane rolls over towards the noise. Lloyd pauses, nervous, and his partner's eyes open slowly. "Couldn't sleep?" 

"Yeah," Lloyd begins slowly, voice feeling heavy. "Yeah, couldn't sleep." He reaches a hand and bops his boyfriend on the nose lightly. Zane opens his arms and Lloyd crawls into them, clinging tightly to his partner. "Love you."

"I love you, too." Zane can't help but feel unnerved by how tight Lloyd's grip on him is, but pushes those feelings aside in favor of running his fingers through his partner's hair. It isn't until Lloyd's breathing evens that Zane considers following him into sleep.

Even then, it isn't until light begins to starts to filter through the blinds that he drifts off.

\-----------

Cole stretched, wincing a bit at the loud cracks. It was almost four in the morning, and he had recorded three solid videos. "Atta boy, Cole. You did good." He gently moves his microphone back to the shelf, turning off all his extra lights and pushing them to one side of the room. Grabbing his phone, Cole lays on his bed, chewing on his bottom lip thoughtfully. 

_To: Lloyd_

_Hey, my neighbor really wants to meet my roommates for dinner. Does Saturday work for you?_

He hits send before he can overthink it, plugging it in and curling into his sheets. His phone vibrates, and he reaches for it eagerly, smiling widely when he reads the message.

_From: Lloyd_

_You are still willing to be our roommate, even after that? You are a strange man, Cole._

Before he can respond another comes in, and that makes his heart swell.

_From: Lloyd_

_Saturday works. Shall we bring our stuff over to begin moving in?_

_To: Lloyd_

_Yeah! I'm going to bed, though. Don't let me forget!!! :D_

Cole grins, smiling stupidly into his pillows. "Well, Cole, looks like things are finally starting to look up."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter feels very short to me, and is mostly filler. It's mostly to help me get back into the swing of things. We're going to have Christmas Break in a few weeks, though, so look forward to some more updates! I love you all, and thank you so much for reading! Feel free to leave suggestions and opinions in the comments at any time, too! If you would like to talk to me, feel free to shoot me a message @Gretccheen on Twitter. <3 <3 <3


	5. To the Left, to the Left, Everything We Own in Boxes to the Left

Saturday came far, far too quickly. 

Cole had cleaned his apartment three times (and was just about to start his fourth when Cryptor had come to see why any of his messages hadn't been answered). "You're gonna be fine, kid," he said, forcing Cole to the couch. "Relax. Breathe. You aren't even cooking dinner, so you've got nothing to worry about." 

"I've got everything to worry about," he snapped back, but he knows that his face is giving away how relieved he is. 

"Damn, you really are on fucking edge. Want me to go get the cat?"

"No. I'm fine. I'll be fine. Just...stay a minute, please?"

"Of course," Cryptor replied, letting Cole lean against him. "It's really early. You can sleep for a while, if you want. I'll stay and wake you up."

"Gotta stay awake so I can sleep tonight." The other man sighs, and Cole makes a pitiful noise. "I got like an hour or two yesterday?"

"And what is so important that you can't sleep?" 

"Anxiety," Cole says with a laugh. "That's really it. I've made enough content to get me through the next two weeks, though, so I guess I can't complain." Cryptor shakes his head and moves so his arm is slung over Cole's shoulders. The younger sighs, fiddling with the fabric of his t-shirt. For a few minutes the two just sit there, lost in their own thoughts, until Cole gets restless. Gracelessly he squirms out from under Cryptor and heads towards the kitchen. The other rolls his eyes and gets up with a groan, wincing at the audible crack of his joints. "God, I'm getting old."

"It's because you don't stretch." Cole gives him a cheeky grin, and when he turns back around he misses the relief that crosses Cryptor's face.

"Damn brat." The older man joins him in the kitchen, already beginning to rummage through the cabinets. "What do you think your stomach can handle, bud?"

"Anything light. Rice, maybe? I know that's an odd breakfast choice."

"Nah, it's fine." Cryptor gives a little wave of his hand before grabbing the container of rice. "We've got some broth at home that I can run and get, if you want it. You really need to be eating more." 

"I know," Cole mutters, filling a pot with water. "I'll try better."

"That's all you can do, kid. That's all any of us can do."

\---

Saturday couldn't have come any sooner. 

Between the two of them, packing was almost a joke. Zane was just as organized and calculated with it as he was with his school work, so all Lloyd had to do was put the things in whatever box his boyfriend pointed at. That, and make sure he would stop long enough to eat. Once he was dedicated to a task, Zane would do so until it's completion. It was incredible endearing, but worrisome, too. People liked to say that Zane was the mothering type in his own awkward way, but when it came to the two of them Lloyd was the one who ended up taking care of them. He liked to joke that once Zane became a doctor he was going to become a trophy husband, and he knew that if that's what he wanted Zane would let him do it without hesitation.

It surprised him sometimes just how much Zane trusted him. Never once had he thought he would ever be on the receiving end of such love and devotion but now, almost four years into their relationship, he was constantly giving it, feeling it,  _receiving_ it. And never had he thought that someone would feel as he did, complete but not whole, content but not quite satisfied in a relationship with another. God, he would think about this all day if he could. But he had boxes to move into Zane's car and if he stood in the hallway any longer his boyfriend would become concerned. So, he shifts the boxes' weight in his arms and heads down the stairs. Zane smiles fondly at him when he makes it outside, immediately coming up to take the topmost boxes from him. "I can do it," Lloyd sighs, but he's smiling.

"I know you  _can_ , but I want to." Zane replies, easily setting the boxes in the car. "Those are the last ones, are they not?" 

"Besides the backpacks, yeah. I can grab those, though. You get all comfortable in the driver's seat. Shoot Cole a message, yeah? Don't want to just pop in unannounced." 

"Of course, dear," Zane presses his lips against Lloyd's forehead before he allows the other to set his boxes in the car. Lloyd laughs, shaking his head, and he takes the steps back up two at a time. He feels kind of like static, fuzzy and wild and all-over the place. And for once he doesn't mind it. He hands shake with uncontrollable energy, and he feels so close to bursting that he almost feels restless. Lloyd hopes that Cole won't mistake his energy for anxiety; he isn't nervous, not really. Excited feels like the closest word, but even that isn't an exact fit. The backpacks are sitting on the floor between the couches, and he's suddenly hit with a wave of nostalgia. They'd spent almost two years in this apartment. Closeted, sure, but happy. Safe and warm. 

Tears prickled in the corners of his eyes, and he swallowed them down. They'd make new memories; they'd have to.  _Memories with Cole._ It made him nervous just thinking about it. Already they were going to make some today. Moving into the apartment, having dinner with Cole's neighbors... _We're finally going to feel normal._ God, he couldn't wait for that. His father was a popular businessman, his mother an archaeologist, and "normal" for them was state dinners and white-collared men who couldn't keep their hands to themselves after a glass of wine. He had actually met Zane at one of those dinners; Zane's father was a doctor, and a leading figure in the manufacturing of prosthetics. He had immediately wooed Lloyd with his typical rich boy aesthetics, and charmed him with his awkward demeanor. For all his desire to be a doctor (a profession full of conversing with others) Zane's social skills were average at best, and a disaster at worst. Lloyd was the mouth of the pair, that they had figured out quickly; Zane was the brain and the brawn. 

He grabs the backpacks and heads back downstairs, shaking his head to clear it of its thoughts. He can't afford to keep thinking of the past; their future is bright, and he's going to face it head on. Zane smiles at him when he slips into the car, reaching over to run his fingers through Lloyd's hair. "Did you get lost?" He says softly, and Lloyd laughs.

"A little, yeah."

"Well, we all get lost sometimes." He replies sagely. "Will you give me directions, please?" 

"Yeah, of course," Lloyd replies, already searching for his phone. "Yeah."

\---

"Feel better, kiddo?" Cryptor asks as he comes back into the room, leaning back on the couch to peer up at him. 

"Yeah." He settles next to the other on the couch, and Cryptor immediately wraps his arm around Cole's shoulder. "How long will you stay?"

"You're stuck with me forever, buddy." He says with a laugh. "But I'll leave whenever you want me to."

"I think the three of us can move them in together. And you should help Pixel with dinner."

"Should," Cryptor says with a laugh. "Kidding, kidding. Ten minutes, then? Have they texted you that they're on their way?"

"About two minutes ago. He said he'd let me know when he got to the apartment building." 

"Well, I'll leave when you get that message, then. Want me to braid your hair?" Cole snorts, and Cryptor laughs with him. "Pixel has been teaching me, you know!"

"I don't doubt it." He says, untangling himself from Cryptor. The other man tries to pull him back, but when Cole brushes his hands away he sinks back into the couch with a huff. There's nothing left to do in the house, and with a sigh Cole heads towards his bedroom. "Fine. You can braid it. Be gentle?"

"Of course. How could I not be with such a precious boy?" Cole snorts again, and Cryptor raises his arm in a stretch. When he returns the other is on his phone, and a quick glance shows him that the other is looking at pictures of braids. He laughs, and the other simply sticks his tongue out at him. Cole pushes the coffee table back and settles between the other's legs, shuddering when Cryptor runs his hands through his hair. "Damn, kiddo, you gotta give me the name of what conditioner you use. Pixel's hair is never this soft."

"Did a mask. I was feeling festive." Cryptor hums behind him, separating his hair into sections. "Guess I'm just feeling frisky?"

"Get that dick, champ. Two strapping young men rooming with you? High school me would be jealous."

"Did you date guys in high school?"

"I did. There was this really weird guy, but he had some snakes, and they were cute. As cute as cold-blooded reptiles can get, I mean. He worked at Petco. I think he smuggled me a goldfish one time." 

"Need me a freak like that," Cole said with a laugh. 

"Pixel was pretty quiet in high school, too. We didn't get along at first, but her dad talked some sense into me."

"Must have taken a long time; I didn't know he was such a determined guy."

"He's a good guy. You'll have to come with us when we visit him some time. Apartments aren't very good for him, you know? He'd like you, I think."

"Let me know when and I'll go." Cole says softly, and Cryptor hums again. His phone vibrates against his leg, and a quick glance tells him that Zane and Lloyd are at the apartment. "They're here," he mutters, and Cryptor tugs lightly on the braid he was forming. "So leave." The other man laughs, quickly tying off the braid before standing with a groan. He takes a moment to roll his shoulders before helping Cole up, gently rubbing the younger man's shoulders. "You're gonna be fine," Cryptor whispers lowly, "just fine. You're my tough kiddo, yeah? My fighter. I'm right across the hall if you need us. And I'm sure Pixel wouldn't mind if you borrowed the cat for a while."

"Thanks," Cole mutters with a shrug, reaching up to move the other's hands. "I'll walk you?"

"How romantic." Cryptor deadpans, and Cole shoves him playfully. They walk out to the hall practically attached at the hip, Cryptor's arm wrapped around his waist and Cole pressed snug against him. The older man ruffles his hair before they part, slipping into his apartment without another word. Cole takes the steps two at a time, fingers curling and uncurling as he tried to stomach his nerves. He could do this; he  _had_ to do this. There wasn't any other option. 

He refused to go into hiding again.

\---

Zane watched as Lloyd bounced around the outside of the apartment building, chuckling when he let out an noise of surprise. The outside was surprisingly nice for an apartment inside the city, and it was far nicer than the one they had lived in  before. It was fairly small, made out of white brick. Several flower beds were placed out front, and were all in full bloom. There was a sign placed onto the white stone reading "White Stone Apartments".  _They certainly won't win an award for originality._ Lloyd bounds back over to him and wraps his arms around one of Zane's. "It's nice," he says softly, and Zane hums in agreement. "Did you tell Cole we were here?"

"I did," he replies, shaking his head at his boyfriend's antics. "He did not reply, but the message was read. I am sure he'll be here soon."

"Hey, sorry I'm late!"  _Speak of the Devil, and He shall appear._ Both he and Lloyd look up, and the former clings just a bit tighter. Cole is walking towards them, smiling widely.  _He looks relieved...Did he think we would not show up?_ Zane feels the need to comfort him, so he untangles himself from Lloyd and crosses the distance to Cole, who seems a bit surprised. "You are not late. If anything, we are early."

"Nope! You're right on time, actually. Do you want to see the apartment first, or should we just start hauling stuff up?"

"We can probably just start bring stuff up." Lloyd says slowly, glancing between the pair curiously. "That okay?"

"Of course!" Zane and Cole look at each other before laughing, realizing they had spoken at the same time. Lloyd laughs as well, smiling brightly at the pair. Zane goes and opens the car, gesturing to the boxes. "Here's most of our apartment, in all its former glory." Cole chuckles, squeezing past Zane and reaching for several boxes. Lloyd goes and grabs the backpacks from the front of the car, watching as Zane carefully placed boxes into Cole's arms before grabbing a couple for himself. Cole shifts the boxes in his arms before tilting his head towards the door. "Shall we go?"

He leads the other two boys up the stairs, trying to think of something to say. Lloyd is talking quietly with Zane, gushing about the apartment building, and Cole finds himself content with just basking in the other boys' company. They're a few steps behind him, but it's comforting, listening to them. He almost feels bad interrupting them when he says, "This is my floor!" 

"Finally!" Lloyd cheers, and Cole laughs.

"You're not carrying any boxes, Lloyd. Shouldn't Cole and I be the ones cheering?" Zane asks playfully, and the look Lloyd gives him has Cole in stitches. 

"I wasn't built for physical labor. I'm like, a Yorkie or something. Tiny and only good for sitting on peoples' laps." Cole manages to catch Zane rolling his eyes, and he nearly loses his grip on the boxes with how hard he's laughing. One of the doors open, and for a moment he's worried he's disturbed one of his neighbors, but when he looks up it's only Pixel, cat held in her arms. She smiles fondly at him, raising an eyebrow, and he simply shrugs in response. "Sounds like you're having quite the time."

"We are," he replies, attempting to prop the boxes on his knee while he opened the door. "Six, right? Or whenever?"

"Whenever you'd like. We're only doing takeout, so there's no rush. If you get a moment and feel motivated to text Cryptor our guests' orders, that would be appreciated."

"Yeah, of course." He ends up sounding a bit frustrated, because he can't quite get the door open, but he's sure Pixel understands. 

"Cole...do you want some help?" Lloyd asks hesitantly, and Cole really, really wants to do this himself, but he knows he probably can't.

"Please?" He's proud of the fact that he manages to bit back his sigh, and he steps back far enough to let Lloyd open the door. Pixel is giggling behind them, and before he enters the apartment he sticks his tongue out at her. Cole sets the boxes in his arms by the couch and stretches, letting out a groan. "Man, I need to start working out again. I'm getting out of shape."

"We can take you, if you like?" Lloyd offers, looking around the apartment. "Zane's college is pretty chill, so I usually go with him in the mornings and hang out in the gym. And the photography class is always looking for new people to take pics of. They'd  _kill_ for someone like you."

"Someone like me?" Cole notices that Zane and Lloyd are still holding onto their things, so he hastily adds, "You can just put them wherever! We can move them to your room later, if you'd like? Probably best to just bring everything in first." Lloyd sets the bag on the couch, and Zane sets his boxes beside the others. Cole watches as Zane rolls his shoulders back, and he can't stop the voice in his head from going,  _Maybe you should pick up art again. It'd be worth it to draw someone like that._ He shakes his head to get rid of the thought, nearly hitting himself in the face with his own braid, before giving a breathy laugh. 

\---

 _If Cole laughs like that one more time today I'll probably die_ , Lloyd thought as he brought the last of the boxes up with the others. Cole had been smiling and laughing almost the entire time, chatting easily with Zane about God knows what. He thought he heard Zane say something about "anatomical correctness", so he had stopped listening a long time ago. Not that he minded--he was perfectly content to bask in the warmth of the other's conversation. Cole was acting much better than he had at their first meeting; it was if everything had been pushed aside and forgotten.  _It's like we're meeting all over again_. That was a soothing thought.  _Maybe things will work out after all._  

"Lloyd? You coming?" Cole called, staring at him in amusement.

"Yeah, I'm coming!" He called back with a laugh, joining the other boy on the stairs. Cole falls into step beside him, humming. Lloyd tries to put his thoughts together in a way that would make sense to anyone who  _wasn't_ Zane, but Cole beats him to it, saying, "I'm really glad you guys are moving in with me." 

"Thank you for having us," he replies, feeling his face grow warm.

"I mean it. Honestly, without you guys I would have had to...well, I would've." Cole falters, staring at the boxes in his arms like they had personally wronged him.

"I get it," Lloyd says softly. "We both do. Zane's dad is great, and he'd take us both back in a heartbeat. But we're a lot to handle, if we're being honest. And my parents are just...tiring. They say one thing and do another. If it keeps money in their hands, they don't care who they hurt. You don't have to tell us anything, Cole, but know that we'll both stay as long as you need us to. We won't let them hurt you again."

"Thanks," the other boy whispers, sounding close to tears. "I won't let anyone get to you, either. I might not look like it, but I played football in high school." 

"I didn't take you for a jock," Lloyd teased, nudging him. "Though I guess you could say the same for me. I was a runner and a swimmer; Zane actually played volleyball. Still does, actually, when he doesn't have his nose stuck in a book."

"No wonder his legs look so good." Cole says, and Lloyd snorts in laughter. "Ah, fuck, sorry! That was weird of me to say, huh? Sorry."

"It's fine, it's fine! I love a man who can appreciate the fine arts." He winks at Cole, who flushes brightly. "You should see him play sometime. He usually plays in the back row, so the view is pretty great. Actually, I think he has a game this week. Wanna come?" He feels warm, asking Cole to come, like it's a date. Maybe it will be. They'll gush about how handsome Zane is, Lloyd can drop a few hints about how they're an open relationship, and boom! Possible new boyfriend. Or at least, plant the seed. No matter the outcome, it would be a good opportunity to get to know Cole better. And that was what was most important.

"I was starting to get worried," Zane said when they came up the stairs. "I was about to send a search party." Cole simply laughs, sliding into the apartment. Lloyd follows him, shrugging off Zane's hands when he tries to take the boxes. "I've got it, babe. Relax." He says lightly, pleased to see that Zane looks slightly embarrassed by the words. 

"Now that we've got everything up I can give you a tour of the house, I guess. And we should probably go over the rules. That's a thing people do, right?" Cole rubbed the back of his neck, glancing between the two. "We can do whatever. It's up to you guys."

"Rules," Zane said, just as Lloyd shouted, "Tour!" The two looked between each other, surprised, and Cole laughed. 

And that's how Lloyd knew everything was going to turn out alright. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh, this took a g e s. I'm finally back in school and have access to a laptop for a majority of the day, so I can get a lot more writing done! So, updates will (hopefully) be a bit more frequent! Please look forward to it!


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